


When In IKEA

by baeconandeggs, sdupree4403



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: BAE2017, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 13:14:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10832016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdupree4403/pseuds/sdupree4403
Summary: Chanyeol and Baekhyun get locked in IKEA overnight.





	When In IKEA

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR: (as tagged)  
> PROMPT #: 144  
> 
> 
> Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Author's Note: Thanks to the prompter for such a fun idea, thanks to the mods for organizing this ficfest so well, thanks to my dear friend for being a beta reader, and thanks to EXO for being so adorably dorky and fun to cast. I hope y’all enjoy this monstrous slice of life full of cheesy fluff, sassy dialogue, a wee bit of smut, and ridiculous shenanigans.

“Fuck yes! Turn it up! I love this song!” bellowed Chanyeol from the backseat as he shook the back of the driver’s headrest with his overexcited hands. Immediately morphing into gangsta mode when Jongin reached forward from the passenger seat and cranked up the volume, Chanyeol began to flail his long limbs around and rap along with Beenzino. Turning to the brunette man on his right, he extended his phone out for Baekhyun to use as a makeshift microphone while they bounced around like fools and rapped at a volume far too intense for riding in the car.

Turning down the volume again and glancing up at the two in the rearview mirror, Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and said, “Calm down. I’m trying to drive.”

Chanyeol fell back against the seat and pouted his lips in defeat, but Baekhyun decided it was time to fight for their right to party. Leaning forward and tugging on Kyungsoo’s sleeve, he continued rapping and exaggerating his already over the top movements. Watching his hyung’s obnoxious antics and his boyfriend’s subsequently annoyed expression, Jongin shifted until he was leaning against the car door and clapped his hands like a seal while bark-laughing at the scene playing out before him.

After earning no physical reaction from Kyungsoo aside from a blank stare, Baekhyun gave up his efforts and leaned back into Chanyeol’s side. The taller wrapped an arm around the smaller man’s shoulders as Baekhyun jutted out his bottom lip and muttered, “Another point for Kyungsoo the Good Time Ruiner.”

“It’s okay, Baek,” assured Chanyeol. “He’s just jealous because he’s not as cool as us.”

Nodding in agreement, Baekhyun was about to launch into a lengthy speech to corroborate his boyfriend’s claims before Kyungsoo cut him off. “Neither of you are even remotely cool.”

Baekhyun gasped and clutched his chest and scoffed in offense while Chanyeol retorted, “Oh yeah? Well if you think we’re not cool, why’d you want us to go to IKEA with you, huh, Soo?”

Jongin’s head snapped back and forth like he was observing a tennis match as he watched the exchange. Rolling his eyes into the rearview mirror again, Kyungsoo replied, “I didn’t invite you to come to IKEA with me. You were both in our apartment, which we didn’t invite you to either, and eating our food I might add, when Jongin and I made plans to go to IKEA because we need a new bedroom set.” Stressing the “Jongin and I” part of his statement, Kyungsoo momentarily took his hand off the wheel and gestured between himself and the passenger seat to emphasize his point. “Then, next thing I know, I have Dumb and Dumber in the backseat of my car talking about the Quest for the Magic Meatballs.”

“Semantics, little Kyungie,” said Baekhyun as he reached forward again to ruffle the driver’s black hair. “You know you wanted us along.”

“I know nothing of the sort,” came Kyungsoo’s short reply that completely contradicted the ever so slight but entirely fond smile on his face. “And don’t forget that I’m not driving you home,” he added, just to make sure they understood he didn’t actually care for them.

“Yeah, because you’re making us ride the bus,” Chanyeol moped.

“Kicking us to the curb, as if our friendship is meaningless,” cried Baekhyun.

“Don’t be dramatic. We’ll need the backseat to carry back what we buy. You guys knew this when you invited yourselves along,” said Kyungsoo.

“Knowing doesn’t make the rejection hurt any less, Kyungie,” said Baekhyun as he pretended to sniffle and wipe away a tear.

Without a hint of sympathy, Kyungsoo responded, “You’ll get through it.” As an afterthought, he smirked and teased, “I’m sure your meatballs will help numb the pain.”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled in excitement and their faces lit up with joy. “Oh god. Those meatballs,” breathed Chanyeol.

Jongin laughed again. “What’s so good about these meatballs anyway?” he asked turning his neck to look into the backseat.

Baekhyun feigned shock and clutched his heart once again as Chanyeol’s mouth dropped open in a dazed expression. “Swedish meatballs. They’re magic, Jongin,” said Chanyeol. “I can’t even describe it, but they’re like, the most delicious things.” Leaning over and gripping onto Jongin’s shoulder, Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he said, “And they come with a side of mashed potatoes.”

“They’re heavenly,” Baekhyun chimed in.

“Divine,” added Chanyeol.

Baekhyun clapped his hands in the air before making an arch with spirit fingers. “Glorious.”

“Decadent.”

“Shut up,” said Kyungsoo. Jongin just laughed along with his hyungs in their excitement.

  


Thirty minutes later, the quartet stood in the entranceway of the IKEA in Seoul. It was a Saturday evening in spring, and the place was packed with bargain hunters on the prowl for the perfect coffee tables to put the finishing touches on their dream homes.

At the top of the escalator, the four friends stopped and took in the scene: frantic fathers trying to navigate carts full of merchandise into crowded cargo-sized elevators while their respective wives wrangled screaming children bored by a day spent milling about in a furniture maze, solo shoppers sporting dazed and frazzled expressions lugging giant vinyl bags stuffed with throw pillows and lampshades, and overworked associates wearing blue vests attempting to somehow manage the chaos while keeping the mass of shelves stocked properly.

“Take it all in, my boys,” said Baekhyun as he reached up to throw an arm on Chanyeol and Jongin’s shoulders, “That’s the smell of Magic Meatballs.”

The two taller males inhaled deeply in an attempt to catch the glorious scent that Baekhyun was talking about, while Kyungsoo simply shook his head back and forth in disbelief. “You can’t smell anything from here, idiots. We have to get all the way through the showroom and the stockroom sections before we hit the cafeteria.”

Breaking their line and taking a step forward, Kyungsoo’s motion was halted when Baekhyun let go of his grasp on the taller men’s shoulders and reached forward to pinch the little pessimist’s ass. “You can’t smell it because you don’t believe, Kyungie. The magic is that strong,” he added with a pursed lip and a knowing nod when Kyungsoo turned around to glare at him.

“You’re a moron,” he said. “And don’t touch my ass.”

Baekhyun tutted and replied, “Always so many rules, Kyungie.”

Kyungsoo turned around to lead the way into the showroom and pushed the cart forward with Jongin’s hand resting lightly on his back. Immediately upon entry, Baekhyun and Chanyeol spotted the impulse section, and all hope for a quick and peaceful trip to IKEA was lost. Bouncing around like manic grade school students, they flitted from one bright and shiny object to another.

“Kyungsooyah! You have to get these!” exclaimed Chanyeol when Baekhyun dashed away to look at the array of alarm clocks.

“No. I don’t need color pencils.”

“Ah! But what if you want to color?”

“I don’t want to color, Chanyeol,” answered Kyungsoo as he continued to push forward and meander through the labyrinth of carts, merchandise, and customers.

“But what if you want to later?”

“No.”

“Sometimes I like to color,” chimed in Jongin.

“No, you don’t,” hushed Kyungsoo.

Running back to the other three, Baekhyun said, “Kyungie! Buy this for me!” as he waved a fuzzy red alarm clock in front of the smallest man’s face.

“No,” came the curt reply.

“Why not?” said Baekhyun, looking utterly distraught and confused that his wish would be so bluntly refused.

“Because I don’t want to,” replied Kyungsoo still undeterred from his mission of moving forward.

Speed walking to catch up with the smallest man and pushing Jongin aside to throw his arm around Kyungsoo’s neck, Baekhyun argued, “But listen. You’re always complaining, ‘Baekhyun, why are you late? Baekhyun, we’re waiting for you. Baekhyun, you shouldn’t sleep so late.’ Blah, blah, blah. This could be the fix! Buy it for me.”

Pausing for a second and turning his face to meet Baekhyun’s confident stare, Kyungsoo snatched the alarm clock, set it on the nearest shelf, and said, “No,” before pushing forward once again. Baekhyun stood still momentarily before pursing his lips, getting over the shock of rejection, and grabbing the alarm clock off the shelf.

Kyungsoo expertly dodged and wove between oncoming carts and crazed customers as they tried to find the quickest and clearest route to the Bedroom section of the overcrowded showroom. When they finally reached Kitchen and Dining, Chanyeol’s eyes grew wide, and he made a beeline for the row of tiny plants displayed on the countertop of a very sterile and modern looking kitchen. “Succulents!” he squealed. “Kyungsoo, look! They’re like baby versions of your plants!”

Amazed that Chanyeol was pointing out something that actually interested him, Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows and left the cart to join his tall friend and coo over the succulents. Jongin shook his head and snickered as he watched Baekhyun sneakily lift up a blanket that Kyungsoo had picked out and place the alarm clock underneath it in the cart. Holding a finger to his lips, Baekhyun looked at Jongin and said, “I’m your hyung, little one, so you have to keep this secret for me.”

Laughing, the youngest replied, “I won’t tell.” Then he spread the blanket out to disguise the clock even more.

“Good boy,” said Baekhyun as he ruffled Jongin’s hair.

“Leave Jongin alone,” said Kyungsoo, once again grabbing hold of the cart and pushing it forward.

Sticking his tongue out and making a nasty face at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun fell back, muttered something like, “So many stupid rules,” and waited for Chanyeol to say his goodbyes to the little plants and catch up to him as the other two marched ahead. When Chanyeol caught up to Baekhyun, he wrapped his arm around his boyfriend and gripped his broad shoulders.

As they followed many paces behind the other couple, Chanyeol said, “I want to get some succulents.”

“Why?” asked the smaller man.

“Because they’re cute.”

“I’m cute,” Baekhyun reminded him.

“Right, but you aren’t a plant,” said Chanyeol with a sense of seriousness.

“Excellent point,” agreed Baekhyun. “You should get some then.”

“I think I will, but maybe next time. I don’t want to carry them on the bus,” said Chanyeol.

“Word,” nodded Baekhyun in reply. They finally reached Kyungsoo and Jongin to find the two were looking at a black and grey bedding set. “Ohhh ho ho!” Baekhyun squealed with an eyebrow wiggle. “Looks like our little babies are about to pick out their love blankets.”

Chanyeol threw his head back and laughed in response. “You know they’re not really babies, right, Baek?”

“Shhh, Chanyeol. They’re children,” hushed Baekhyun.

“I like this one,” said Kyungsoo as he ran his hands across the solid black duvet and reached for one of the gray accent pillows. “What do you think?” he asked Jongin.

“It’s pretty, and it’s soft,” answered the youngest, “But won’t dog fur show up on black?”

“Jongin, we agreed on this already,” said Kyungsoo in a soft and loving tone. “No dogs on the bed.”

At that, Baekhyun piped in with a playful grin, “But, Kyungie, you’re always being a little bitch, so how is that going to work?”

Chanyeol covered his mouth in feigned shock and shouted, “Ohhhh! Burn!” Jongin laughed as Kyungsoo rolled his eyes again and flicked Baekhyun’s forehead.

“Ow!” whined Baekhyun. Looking utterly scandalized, he added, “What was that for?”

“Leave,” said Kyungsoo as he pointed to the exit. “Go get your meatballs. It’s going to take us awhile to decide on a set, and the cafeteria is closing soon.”

“It is?” asked Chanyeol in a worried tone before checking the time on his phone and glancing in the direction of the exit nervously.

“Well, in like an hour, and there’s probably going to be a long line. You should hurry,” answered Kyungsoo.

“Baek,” said Chanyeol with eyes wide in warning.

“I know, Yeol,” said Baekhyun as he gripped the taller’s bicep and nodded his head in serious agreement. “I know.” Turning back to the younger couple, he smirked and added, “Good luck finding the perfect blankets for your sexy times,” before dragging Chanyeol away as the taller shrugged his shoulders and looked back at Kyungsoo and Jongin in apology.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol wandered through the congestion of overfilled shopping carts and excited people experiencing the sensory overload that is the IKEA showroom in Seoul on a weekend before turning the final corner and arriving in the cafeteria. Surrounded by hundreds of people milling about with three-tiered carts stocked with trays covered with all sorts of dishes that were in turn piled with different kinds of food, Chanyeol grasped onto Baekhyun’s shoulder and leaned down to animatedly squeal, “We found it, Baekhyunnie!” with a look of absolute glee plastered all over his face.

Scrunching his nose and looking at his tall boyfriend fondly, Baekhyun replied, “Yep.” His face morphed into a more devious expression, and he added, “And now we’re going to eat some meatballs,” while rubbing his hands together.

Eyes glazed over in expectation, Chanyeol’s hand slipped down to his boyfriend’s wrist. Leading Baekhyun through the masses of people, he agreed, “To the meatballs!”

“To the meatballs!” echoed Baekhyun, with his fist in the air, in an unashamedly loud shout that drew the attention of the group of ahjussis gathered together sipping espressos and of a young girl at a nearby table who was pouting because her parents weren’t allowing her to play in the kid zone.

The taller shook his head and chuckled at his boyfriend’s shamelessness as they milled through the crowd. When they reached the beginning of the food line, Chanyeol turned to ask, “Do you think we need to get a cart for our trays?”

Eyebrows raised in absolute shock at the incredulousness of such a question, Baekhyun responded, “Of course we need a cart, Chanyeol. I don’t know what you’re planning on eating, but I intend to eat my fill. One tray only barely fits like two plates.” After sliding a cart out for himself and examining the three tray slots, he bit his lower lip in concentration. “Actually, you should probably get your own cart. I’m going to fill this puppy up,” said Baekhyun as he patted the cart tenderly and carefully placed a tray on each tier.

Widening his eyes and pursing his mouth in a tightlipped smile, Chanyeol readied his own cart with three trays as well. “So we’re eating big tonight, huh?” he asked.

“The meatballs, Chanyeol,” answered Baekhyun with a pointed glare.

Nodding his head in understanding, Chanyeol agreed. “You’re right, Baek. Totally worth it.”

Each with their own cart, they queued in line along with the droves of other IKEA shoppers, eyes scanning the ever-changing menu boards expectantly for the perfect meal to satisfy their hunger. When the duo reached the dessert case, Baekhyun sang, “Choco cake,” as he placed a slice on his bottommost tray. Setting a slice of the Swedish Apple Cake alongside the first dessert, he added, “And apple cake too!” slipping into an impressively well-tuned falsetto. Turning back to his boyfriend, Baekhyun passed Chanyeol one of each as well to add to his own cart.

“Hell yeah!” said Chanyeol. “Two cakes!” he grinned, nodding his head spastically while the tip of his tongue peeked through his lips.

“And don’t forget about the butterscotch cookies at the end of the line,” reminded the brunette. “I’m getting three.”

“Three?” asked Chanyeol, with a hint of skepticism in his voice. He knew the little guy loved food, and he knew he could eat like a real champion, but three cookies, two slices of cake, and all the entrées his boyfriend had planned seemed like a bit of a challenge—even for Baekhyun.

In response to Chanyeol’s obvious lack of faith, Baekhyun reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a large zip-lock bag. Holding it in the air, he waved it in front of the taller man’s face and said, “I know my limits, Yeol. The cookies are for the bus ride home.”

“God dammit, Baek,” said Chanyeol, lips pursed and the beginnings of a tear welling in his eyes. “I fucking love you,” he added, overcome with pride in his boyfriend’s sheer genius. Wiggling his shoulders in a little dance and scrunching his nose in a manner that screamed, “I know I’m cute” instead of responding, Baekhyun turned around and pushed his cart forward in the line. Watching the antics from behind, Chanyeol exhaled loudly and muttered to himself, “He’s brilliant.” Biting his lip and shaking his head slightly, he glanced at his boyfriend’s rear, sighed, and added, “And that ass.”

Turning around again and offering the taller man a quick wink, Baekhyun quipped, “I heard that,” before looking back at the cafeteria employee and ordering two portions of Swedish meatballs, a plate of kimchi fried rice, and the salmon and roasted vegetables.

Shaking his head again, Chanyeol followed suit and placed his own obscenely large order of food. As they slowly made their way through the buffet line of side items, Baekhyun piled the trays on his cart high with chicken, corn, different kinds of breads, and cookies, making sure to pass one of everything along to Chanyeol as well. The smaller man reverted back to his previous falsetto as he described every food item in song. When they finally made it to the register to check out with their carts full of nourishment, a dreamy-eyed cashier with the gentlest possible smile greeted them. “Hello,” said the IKEA employee in accented Korean. “What are you eating today?” he asked, as he peered across the counter to take stock of the massive amounts of food on their carts.

Staring open-mouthed at the adorable cashier, Baekhyun was rendered uncharacteristically speechless. He turned completely around to face Chanyeol and said, “Look at his dimple! I want to live inside it.” The taller man rolled his eyes and rattled of a list to answer the cashier’s question over his boyfriend’s head before Baekhyun faced the cashier again and repeated, “I want to live inside your dimple.” Slightly flustered, the cashier chuckled instead of answering, offered a small smile in response, and continued to tally their order. Not one to be ignored, Baekhyun continued to stare unabashedly before asking, “What’s your name?”

Looking up from his register shyly, the IKEA employee replied, “Yixing,” before adding, “Do you want anything to drink?”

Chanyeol answered, “Just two fountain drinks and one coffee, please.” After Yixing reached out and handed Chanyeol the cups for their drinks, Baekhyun clasped his hand with both of his own before it could retreat back behind the counter.

“Yixing,” Baekhyun repeated, “I want to live inside your dimple.”

“Baek, stop freaking him out,” warned Chanyeol as he lightly tugged on the back of his boyfriend’s hoodie.

Yixing looked taken aback—but not offended—when the smaller man finally released his hand but continued to stare. “He’s just so cute, Channie,” said Baekhyun, eyes scanning across the cashier’s bashful face. Laughing softly, Chanyeol nudged Baekhyun forward by pushing his loaded cart into the smaller man’s back, and he handed the cashier his card to pay for their food. Baekhyun walked ahead to find a table, making sure to look back and stare for an uncomfortably long period of time at the apparently mesmerizing cashier before shaking his head in disbelief, and mouthing, “So cute.”

Chanyeol grinned awkwardly and apologized to Yixing. “Sorry, man,” he said. “He doesn’t have a filter.”

Smiling sweetly yet again, Yixing returned Chanyeol’s card with a polite bow and humbly assured him, “It’s not a problem.” Adding, “Please enjoy your meal,” the cashier bowed once more and waved as the taller man walked off to join his boyfriend for their feast.

“Holy shit,” groaned Baekhyun as he stretched out his arms and then rubbed his belly after finishing his meal. “I’ve never felt so full in my life.”

With a creepy grin plastered across his face, Chanyeol commented, “That’s not what you said last night.”

The smaller man scoffed and rolled his eyes as he stood up and placed his trays on the cart. “I fucked you last night.” Chanyeol’s creepy grin faded into a sad pout when his joke was disregarded. Baekhyun noticed and tilted his head to the side to look at the taller man fondly. He said, “But excellent innuendo regardless. Top notch.” Slyly glancing at his boyfriend’s crotch, he nodded his head approvingly, bit his lower lip, and added, “Just like your dick.”

The corners of Chanyeol’s pout curved upward and into a proud and tightlipped smile. Satisfied, he stood up from the table and obediently followed Baekhyun to the tray return area. Once they properly disposed of their trays, the two made their way back through the lessening crowds of people and into the showroom. When they reached the Living Room section, Chanyeol plopped down on a dark grey sectional and propped his feet up on a low-set coffee table, clumsily knocking over one of the vases on display. While Chanyeol jumped up and scrambled to quickly pick up the vase to set it up again between the accent candle and the basket of potpourri, Baekhyun stared longingly in the direction of the Storage section of the store.

“Channie,” he said, in a tone that indicated his next suggestion would require a bit of convincing to get the taller onboard. “Let’s play a game,” said Baekhyun, with his telltale smirk plastered across his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Eyebrow raised in question, Chanyeol asked, “What kind of game, Baek?” with a voice laced with skepticism.

“A fun one,” came the cheeky reply.

“We play a lot of fun games,” countered Chanyeol, his eyebrows now furrowed in confusion and his lips slightly parted as he tried to deduce just what exactly Baekhyun could have in mind.

“This is a new one. I just made it up,” assured Baekhyun. “It’ll be fun.”

“But I’m really full, Baek. My tummy hurts because I ate too much,” whined the taller. “And it’s getting late. We have a long bus ride home.”

“You’re fine,” insisted Baekhyun, and he punctuated his claim with a fierce poke to Chanyeol’s perfectly pudgy belly.

Chanyeol gasped and clutched his tummy. Pouting, he said, “Baek! That hurt.”

The smaller man soothingly rubbed the ailed spot on his boyfriend’s tummy in apology. “Sorry,” he said before stretching up to leave a light kiss on Chanyeol’s pouted lips. “But you still have to play with me,” added Baekhyun as he pinched the same spot he had just massaged.

Shaking his head in mock upset, Chanyeol grabbed the smaller man’s wrist and pulled Baekhyun closer. “Fine,” he said, hugging the shorter man to his chest and kissing the top of his head. “You convinced me.”

Tilting his head to smile up at the taller man, Baekhyun said sweetly, “I always do.” Then he stepped back and out of Chanyeol’s embrace, reached forward to grip both of his boyfriend’s nipples through his shirt, and shouted, “Titty twister!” before running toward the Dining Room displays. As he ran, he looked back to see his boyfriend muttering under his breath and pouting once again, but also following him like the big, loyal dog he had always been.

When Chanyeol caught up with Baekhyun in a display room decorated with an all black dining set with sleek, modern lines, the smaller man had picked up three of the ornamental potpourri balls from the accent bowl centerpiece and was juggling them. Pursing his lips and nodding his head in approval at his boyfriend’s impressive skills, Chanyeol asked, “So what are we playing, Baek?”

Catching the decorative balls with deft skill, Baekhyun placed them back in the bowl and smiled. “I told you already. A really fun game.”

“Okay, but what game?” repeated the taller.

“I just made it up,” answered Baekhyun. “It doesn’t have a name yet.”

“Cool,” stated Chanyeol. “How does it work?”

Wiggling his shoulders in excitement, Baekhyun’s face lit up as he began to relay the rules of his game. “Okay, so it goes like this. One person—I’m thinking you because I want to be the other person—so yeah, you are going to sit here and wait. Then, the other person, so me, sets your phone alarm for five minutes, and you have to stay here that whole time. While you’re waiting—this is where it gets interesting—I am going to run away and find a place to hide. I can go anywhere in the Showroom. The cafeteria and the other part are off limits, but everywhere else is good. And when the alarm goes off, then you have to try to find me.” He paused for a moment to wiggle his eyebrows and let his genius idea sink in before continuing, “And if you find me, I have to buy dinner for the rest of the week. If you can’t find me, which will probably happen because I invented the game so obviously I’m going to be good at it, you’ll have to pay up, bitch.”

Chanyeol blinked repeatedly and the corners of his eyes twitched in concentration. “I’m pretty sure that’s already a game, Baek,” he said.

“No, it’s not,” assured the smaller.

“I think it’s hide-and-seek,” countered Chanyeol.

“Park Chanyeol, would I ever lie to you?” queried the smaller man with a brow raised in challenge. “This game is totally different. Hide-and-seek has nothing to do with buying dinner.”

Chanyeol glanced from side to side and narrowed his eyes in comprehension. Lips pouted and head nodding slightly, he responded, “Okay, yeah. That does sound different. And fun!”

“Exactly,” agreed Baekhyun. “Plus people normally play hide-and-seek outside, and we’re playing in IKEA,” he added. “Totally different.”

“Definitely,” affirmed Chanyeol. “So let’s play,” he said with a grin.

Shaking his hips in a strange little happy dance, Baekhyun grinned back and said, “Okay, yay! Sit here and give me your phone,” gesturing to a dining chair facing one of the artificial walls and holding his other hand out.

Chanyeol obediently passed the phone over and took his seat while Baekhyun opened the alarm feature and set it for five minutes later. “Are you going to hide now?” asked the taller when Baekhyun didn’t immediately take off running.

“In a second,” said the smaller before he draped himself across the taller man’s shoulders and held the phone in front of his boyfriend’s face. “Let’s take a selca first,” he added, opening the front facing camera and scrunching his nose in a cute pose.

Grinning readily, Chanyeol made his traditional v-sign and brought it up to the side of his face while Baekhyun gritted his teeth and curled his lip in what was supposed to be a fierce expression but ended up looking like a fluffy puppy growling at something as threatening as a tiny rock in the middle a sidewalk. The smaller man tapped the capture button a few times before dropping the phone in his boyfriend’s lap and lightly kissing his cheek. “Come and get me,” he taunted before quickly nipping at a large and protruding ear and then taking off.

Chanyeol smirked and shook his head as his boyfriend ran away. He tapped his fingers in a rhythm against the table as he waited patiently before quickly growing bored and picking up his phone. He opened the photos app, and his face split into a grin when he began to flip through the series of photos that he and Baekhyun had just taken. Smiling to himself, he opened Instagram to post their selca. He edited the photo, applied the perfect filter, captioned it with a simple “#TenderLove in IKEA,” and tagged his boyfriend before posting it and waiting for the likes to roll in.

The post had already hit eleven likes by the time his phone alarm went off and signaled the end of his wait. Taking a second to close out his apps, Chanyeol chuckled when a notification popped up saying his boyfriend had, unsurprisingly, commented on his post. He had just enough time to count and coo at the seven kissy face emojis when a second comment appeared from Baekhyun. “Now come find me, fucker \^o^/,” it read.

Scowling and narrowing his eyes at the challenge, Chanyeol replied to the comment with, “When I catch you, your ass is mine, Baekhyunnie.” He stood up and placed his phone back into his pocket. Turning in the direction of the Living Rooms, he muttered aloud, “Cheeky little bastard,” and began his search.

Chanyeol made it about fifteen steps past the adjacent dining display before he felt his phone buzz from within his pocket. Pulling his phone out and swiping right, the tall man doubled over and laughed out loud when he saw Baekhyun’s response. His boyfriend had paired the words, “Can’t wait,” with a winky face, a kissy face, another winky face, and a lip emoji. He quickly tapped the heart to like the comment, and resumed his search.

As he walked through the showroom, Chanyeol noticed how much the crowd of shoppers had thinned. While it had felt like a battleground to him and Baekhyun just hours earlier, Chanyeol was able to navigate the aisles with ease since so few carts were congesting the pathways or fighting against the flow of traffic. He wondered what sparked the drastic change, but didn’t think to consider the approach of closing time. Humming to himself, Chanyeol continued on his search, making sure to check behind the large sofas and around every corner.

After thoroughly examining the Living Rooms and not having any luck, Chanyeol moseyed into Children’s IKEA. Immediately, he noticed the pyramid of stuffed toys and made a beeline to the display. Wide-eyed in wonder, the grown man reached forward to gently pet the animal plushies ranging in design from lifelike hares to bright green dragons. “You guys are so pretty,” he said, as he continued to caress the toys. “Do any of you want to come home with me?” he asked. Gasping when he saw the beagle plushie, Chanyeol clutched it to his chest and cuddled it as he assured the toy it would be happy if it came to his house to live. “My Rilakkumas will play with you. They’re really nice.”

Chanyeol stopped his cooing when he heard a high-pitched cackle behind his back. When he turned around, he noticed a short IKEA employee with a catlike grin leaning against a wardrobe and pointing in his direction and saying something while laughing along with another equally short and feline-esque worker with violet colored hair. Even though Chanyeol could not make out any exact words, he was able to decipher a distinct mocking tone in the man’s voice, and given the look of mirth on both employees’ faces, the tall man was pretty certain he was being made fun of. Priding himself in his own resilience, Chanyeol pouted for a brief second before scooping up the puppy plushie, petting its head, and saying loudly, “Don’t worry, puppy. I’ll take you home. You don’t have to stay with these mean people anymore.”

The violet-haired employee chuckled kindly and said, “That pup is lucky to have someone so kind take of him. He’s been waiting awhile to be adopted.”

“Aww! Poor guy,” said Chanyeol, as he nuzzled his nose against the toy he held in his arms.

The other IKEA worker cackled again and placed a hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “He’s a good man, isn’t he, Minseok?” he asked, eyes sparkling with teasing.

Recognizing kindred spirits in the obvious jokesters, Chanyeol smiled and played along, “I do my best.” The three shared a smile and a laugh before the tallest added, “Have you guys seen a little short guy come through here recently?” Placing his hand level with the other men’s heads, he added, “Like someone about your heights, but with brown hair? Really cute? Kinda looks like this puppy?”

Frowning, the employee who was apparently not named Minseok turned to his coworker and whined, “Yah! Did this guy just call us short?”

“Jongdae, I think he did,” said Minseok sulkily.

“We’re not short,” said Jongdae.

“Definitely not,” agreed Minseok.

“Nor did we see anybody who resembles a puppy,” said Jongdae. “Right?” he added, with a pointed look and an eyebrow raised toward his coworker.

“Right,” affirmed Minseok. “And even if we did, we certainly wouldn’t betray one of our kind.”

“Exactly,” said Jongdae with his eyes narrowed in play. “We ‘little short guys’ have to stick together,” he added with condescending air quotes.

“So you’re not going to help me?” pouted Chanyeol.

“How could we?” asked Minseok. “We’re obviously too short to see anything.”

“Right,” agreed Jongdae. Patting Chanyeol’s shoulder he added, “You’re on your own, big guy.”

Huffing in agitation, Chanyeol said, “Thanks anyway.” Turning to set the puppy back on the display, he told it, “I’ll come back for you later,” and continued on his hunt.

The employee named Jongdae called after him in the same mocking tone he had been using throughout their whole conversation, “Good luck on your quest!”

Laughing, his violet haired coworker continued the tease with, “May the force be with you!”

Recognizing he was still being made fun of even as he walked away, Chanyeol turned back for a moment to play along, bowed, and said, “And also with you.”

Walking forward, Chanyeol glanced from left to right looking for Baekhyun’s potential hiding place. As he was wandering, his phone buzzed again from inside his pocket. Taking it out and opening the notification, he saw that Kyungsoo had commented on his Instagram post from earlier. Chanyeol laughed out loud when he read, “Ew,” underneath the thread of his and Baekhyun’s flirting. Tapping out his reply, he wrote, “Maybe I’d believe you if you hadn’t liked our selca already, Soo,” coupled with a stream of heart emojis. Chuckling again at his own wit and his friend’s angst, he placed his phone back into his pocket and muttered, “Now where the hell is Baek?” Almost forty-five minutes had passed since he had left the dining room display, and he was having zero luck finding the tiny brunette.

Agitated and a little bit worried, Chanyeol took out his phone again to text his boyfriend to determine his whereabouts. When he didn’t receive the instantaneous taunt in reply he had been expecting, he frowned and sent a follow up text that simply read, “Baek?” Again, his message was left unopened, so he began to worry even more. Pressing the correct contact information to call his boyfriend, Chanyeol began to walk forward in his search at a more urgent pace.

While Baekhyun had been known to spitefully not answer his messages and calls if Chanyeol had upset him in the past, the taller man was certain there was no underlying tension between them at the moment, so Chanyeol reached the only logical solution: Baekhyun must have been kidnapped by some Scandinavian furniture-photographing maniac, and his unconscious and perfectly aesthetic body was probably en route to Sweden at the very moment where he would eventually be forced to model in stock photos of families enjoying their new dining sets.

When the image of Baekhyun and some sexy Swedish guy laughing over breakfast while sitting at a wooden dinette with morning light streaming through the windows and illuminating his tiny boyfriend’s brilliant smile and soft brown hair popped into his brain, Chanyeol growled, “Oh, hell no!” and took off in a sprint to resume his searching. He continuously called his boyfriend’s phone as he frantically wandered around the store. In his anxious state, he neglected to listen to the buzz of the intercom and the repeated message requesting customers to make their ways to the checkout floor because the store would be closing in ten minutes time.

Minutes later, Chanyeol ended his fourteenth consecutive call to Baekhyun’s phone, and then glanced down to notice his battery was dangerously low. Since he wanted to be able to answer any calls and come through as the hero he knew himself to be if Baekhyun overcame his captors, found a moment of freedom, and called him in the near future, he decided to stop calling to preserve battery life. Making sure to turn the ringer all the way up, he clenched his phone in his hand and took a deep breath. In a momentary bout of sanity, the thought that perhaps his boyfriend was actually using the toilet crossed Chanyeol’s mind, so he quickly made his way to the restrooms.

Upon entering, he called out, “Baek? Are you in here?” He received no immediate response, so he did what any self-respecting 007-fan would. Stowing his phone in his pocket and bringing his hands together and up to the side of his face with his pointer fingers and thumbs extended to form a makeshift handgun, Chanyeol slowly snuck from stall to stall, kicking each door open and pointing his fingers at any and all potential threats. After spending an obscene amount of time scoping out each stall, to his shock and confusion, each was completely empty, and there were no traces of a distressed Baekhyun or a devious Scandinavian super villain in sight.

After realizing the coast was clear, Chanyeol shrugged against the wall and took out his phone again to check and see if maybe Baekhyun had read his messages. As soon as he unlocked his screen, the lights in the bathroom went out. Shrieking and jumping in fear, Chanyeol glanced from side to side with his mouth open wide. He caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror and shrieked again before steeling himself, standing upright, and attempting to call Baekhyun again. On the fifth ring, he was greeted with Baekhyun’s groggy voice. “What?” asked the smaller in a gruff and not at all pleasant tone.

“Baek!” whisper-screamed Chanyeol. “Are you okay? Are you safe?” he added in the same breath.

Pausing to groan a bit and make noises that sounded like stretching, Baekhyun repeated his own question in the same half-awake but slightly less grumpy manner, “What?”

Squatting against the wall with wide eyes and a hand clutching his chest, Chanyeol asked, “Did they drug you, Baek?”

“The fuck are you talking about, Yeol?”

“Oh my god, they did,” said the taller in a crestfallen voice.

“Wait, are you saying you got weed?” replied Baekhyun, suddenly sounding quite excited and more alert than he had since he picked up the phone.

“Wait, what?”

“Park Chanyeol, if you’ve got weed and you aren’t sharing it with me, I will cut your balls off.”

Confusion evident in both his voice over the phone and in the way his eyes darted from side to side in search of some semblance of clarity, Chanyeol answered, “I don’t have any weed,” before hesitantly asking, “Do you have weed?”

“No,” said Baekhyun. “And why the fuck haven’t you found me yet? Fuck, it’s been like an hour. You’re shit at this game,” he said with a laugh. Chanyeol could picture the smirk on his boyfriend’s face.

“No shit it’s been an hour!” he responded. “I’ve been looking fucking everywhere for you! And then you didn’t answer any of my calls! I thought you’d been kidnapped or something!” At that, Baekhyun laughed into the receiver again. “Don’t laugh at me,” said Chanyeol with a whine and a pout. “I was worried about you.”

Laughing even louder, Baekhyun managed to say, “I fell asleep.”

Mouth pouted all the more, Chanyeol muttered, “Fuck you. I was really worried.”

Chuckling again, Baekhyun answered, “Aww. You’re an idiot. But honestly, it’s not my fault. I found this cozy hiding spot inside this storage closet thing. I lay down in here, and like, ‘Bam!’ I fell asleep like right away. I think it’s because I ate so much. My body needed a nap, Channie. You know how it goes.” Pausing to see if Chanyeol would respond and realizing that the taller might actually be a little upset, he added, “But thanks for worrying about me. You’re the sweetest.”

“Yeah, well,” mumbled Chanyeol, and this time Baekhyun could picture the taller’s small tightlipped smile and the fondness he was sure was in his eyes.

“Where are you anyway? I’ll come find you since you’re obviously shit at doing that,” teased his boyfriend. Chanyeol listened as he heard what sounded like cabinet doors opening before answering. “Oh fuck! Most of the lights are out,” said Baekhyun.

“They’re out there too? I’m in the toilet, and they turned them off like right before you picked up the phone.”

“Weird,” said Baekhyun. Chanyeol listened as the other took heavy steps through the showroom. “Wait, did they make announcements about closing or something while I was sleeping?” he asked.

“Oh fuck!” exclaimed Chanyeol. “That must have been why that buzzer kept going off!”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Fuck off, I was really worried. I couldn’t focus on anything else.”

“Fine. You’re sweet, but you’re still an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot, too.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun replied, “Park Chanyeol, could an idiot invent an entirely new and extremely fun game so immersive that two grown men would so easily lose track of the time?”

“Baek, you fell asleep,” deadpanned Chanyeol. “And I’m still pretty sure we were just playing hide-and-seek.”

“Whatever,” replied Baekhyun. “Come outside,” he commanded. “I’m almost to the toilets,” he added before hanging up the phone.

Chanyeol stood up from his squatted position, walked to the sink, and splashed some water on his face before heading to the exit. Checking the time on his phone, he freaked out a little when it read 22:37. They really had wasted a lot of time playing Baekhyun’s game. When he walked out into the hallway, Chanyeol only had to wait for a minute before Baekhyun rounded the corner past the shelves of miscellaneous impulse items. Unwittingly, his lips pulled back into a wide grin that revealed almost all of his teeth at the image of his brunette boyfriend walking toward him looking nothing short of perfect in just a hoodie and jeans. Quirking an eyebrow in question, Baekhyun asked, “What? Why are you smiling like that?”

Grinning even wider, Chanyeol replied, “No reason.”

“Right,” said Baekhyun, before clapping his hands in a resolved manner. “So here’s the deal. I checked the store’s hours online while walking here, and it looks like the place really is closed for the night. I passed the entrance doors, and they pulled down that metal gate thing. I don’t think there are even any employees left. It looks like we’re locked in for the night.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “Well shit,” he said. “How are we going to get out?”

“We’re…not?” answered Baekhyun, confused as to why the taller man would even have such thoughts.

“We’re not?” came the hesitant reply.

“Nope,” said Baekhyun, popping the vowel sound at the end of the word.

“But where will we sleep?” asked a bewildered Chanyeol.

Staring in obvious judgment, Baekhyun answered, “Yeol, we’re in a furniture store. There are like thirty beds here.”

“Oh yeah. But are we going to get in trouble?”

Face scrunched up in disbelief at the audacity of Chanyeol to ask such a question, “Of course not!” said Baekhyun. “We’re not going to get caught,” he added with a jab to his boyfriend’s shoulder to accentuate his statement.

“O…kay?” agreed Chanyeol.

“Exactly,” said Baekhyun. “Everything will be okay.” Reaching up to throw his arm around the taller man’s shoulders, he leaned up and into Chanyeol’s side. Planting a wet kiss on his boyfriend’s jaw, he continued, “We’re going to have a little fun tonight.”

“Are you talking about sex?” said Chanyeol, as he glanced down at the smaller man and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Maybe,” said Baekhyun as he bit his lower lip and trailed his free hand down his boyfriend’s chest.

Chanyeol shivered in response to the light touch, but recoiled when the teasing fingers suddenly jabbed him in the tummy. “Ow,” he said.

Smirking, Baekhyun placed a gentle kiss in the same area on Chanyeol’s jaw while massaging the afflicted spot on his tummy and muttering a quick, “Sorry,” before he tacked on, “But let’s find something to do. There’s like one million things we could do for fun here.”

Grinning excitedly and grabbing Baekhyun’s, Chanyeol said, “I want to show you something first,” before dragging the smaller man through the lowly lit display rooms and toward Children’s IKEA.

“Chanyeol, we’re not getting bunk beds. I told you that already,” whined Baekhyun when he realized where they were headed.

Frowning back at the smaller man as they walked, Chanyeol said, “That’s not what I’m showing you.”

“Good.”

“But that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on the idea,” said the taller.

“You’re holding onto false hopes, bud,” said Baekhyun, shaking his head.

“You keep saying that, but I’m pretty sure you’ll change your mind one day. They’ve got newer ones with bigger beds and everything,” responded Chanyeol, staring ahead confidently and dropping the other man’s hand.

“Doubt it.”

“You’re just being stubborn,” said Chanyeol.

“Call it whatever you want, but I clearly remember how difficult it was to fuck on the bunk bed back in university,” countered Baekhyun.

Smiling at the memory, Chanyeol added, “But the challenge made it all the more rewarding.”

“No, the challenge limited our range of motion,” disagreed Baekhyun. “We’re too good at sex for bunk beds. We need extra space,” he added.

“You’re just bitter because you fell down that one time,” teased Chanyeol.

Pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes, Baekhyun glared at his boyfriend. “Fuck off,” he said. “And where are we going?”

At that moment, they turned the corner and entered Children’s IKEA. The bright colors and juvenile décor contrasted pleasantly with the utilitarian design of all the furniture—the bunk beds included—as Chanyeol pointed ahead to the tower display of plushies at the middle of the dimly lit display room. “There,” he said, eyes sparkling in excitement and toothy grin spreading from ear to ear.

Eyebrows positioned in question, Baekhyun asked, “To the plushies?”

“To the plushies,” echoed Chanyeol.

“Ah, fuck yeah,” exclaimed the small man as he dashed forward to the pyramid of stuffed toys.

Following eagerly, Chanyeol called out, “Look at the puppy! I’m going to bring him home!”

“Awww,” cooed Baekhyun as he picked up the soft toy. “He’s so cute!” He tenderly scratched the toy behind its stuffed ears as if it were a real dog as Chanyeol approached. However, when Baekhyun glanced up and saw his boyfriend nearing, an impish smirk settled onto his face, and his eyes darkened in mischief. Ducking down behind the table and grabbing one of the toy pigs off the display in one fluid motion, Baekhyun disappeared from Chanyeol’s sight and began to creep around the tower.

“Baek?” queried Chanyeol. “Where’d you go?” he asked. Turning to look behind his back, Chanyeol let out an, “Umpf!” when the toy pig came flying out of the air and knocked him in the side of the face. “Hey!” he called out when he heard Baekhyun’s telltale cackle that signified its owner had successfully bullied someone.

“Park Chanyeol!” came the resounding cry from an unidentifiable location in the dim light. “Prepare for battle,” said Baekhyun as he popped up on the other side of a dresser and launched the stuffed toy at his gaping boyfriend this time.

Though shocked at first, Chanyeol quickly recovered and managed to catch the flying plushie puppy before it collided with his head. “Hey!” he shouted again. “Be nice to my puppy, Baekhyunnie!” before depositing the toy safely back on the display.

Cackling some more from behind his dresser barricade, Baekhyun retorted, “Okay, fine. The beagle puppies are off limits. But choose your ammo, Park. I’ve got dibs on the pigs, the polar bears, and the tooth brushes.” Climbing over the dresser and gathering as many of each of the three in his arms as he could manage, he added, “And find a home base. The battle begins in five minutes.” Reaching up with the stuffed toothbrush to bop Chanyeol on the nose, he promised, “You’re going down, Park.”

Catching and holding Baekhyun’s arm that was wielding the offending toothbrush toy in its downward retreat with one hand, Chanyeol used his other hand as well as his height advantage to whack the smaller man’s forehead. “Doubt it,” he said in response to the challenge. Baekhyun grinned and began to pull away, but before he get too far, Chanyeol tightened his grip and drew him back in. “But let’s add some more rues and make the game interesting.”

Eyes narrowing in intrigue, Baekhyun asked, “What have you got in mind?”

Finally releasing the brunette’s wrist, Chanyeol turned back to the display and grabbed two identical beagle toys. “We each get a puppy, and we hide it somewhere in this room. Whoever finds the other’s puppy first wins.”

“I’m liking what you’re thinking,” nodded Baekhyun in agreement. “And how do we factor in the ammo?”

“Oh, we’re still going to throw shit at each other for sure,” assured Chanyeol, gently cuffing the other in the side of the head with one of the puppy toys. “I’m thinking we use them as like freeze mechanisms.” Demonstrating his thought process by jerking his arms up and freezing in placed he added, “Like, if you get hit, you have to freeze for like thirty seconds.”

Laughing at Chanyeol’s frozen ninja pose, Baekhyun lightly jabbed him in the stomach once again and said, “It almost sounds like the plushies are Poké balls.”

Breaking his freeze pose to retaliate with a playful shoulder bump, Chanyeol smiled and said, “Hell yeah!” Handing one the stuffed beagles to Baekhyun, he added, “Now go hide yours. Just know that I’m going to catch you, Baekachu.”

Shaking his head in refusal, Baekhyun responded, “Not until you tell me your ammo. I need to know what to look out for.”

“Ah, yes. That does sound fair,” said Chanyeol before he turned back to study the display and rubbed his face in concentration. Baekhyun watched with a look of fondness on his face as his tall boyfriend pondered his choices carefully. Eventually, Chanyeol picked up a cute panda, a creepy-looking fairy, and a stuffed cactus plushie. Holding each up to Baekhyun in turn, he explained, “I choose panda for kung-fu strength, fairy for healing power, and cactus for prickles.”

“For prickles?” inquired Baekhyun.

“For prickles,” said Chanyeol.

“Right,” said the smaller with an eye roll. “For prickles. Now let’s get a move on!” he added, his eyes now flashing with excitement.

“Five minutes to hide the puppies? Or do you think you need more time? You know, since you’re short and have limited options in hiding spots,” challenged Chanyeol with a pointed look.

“Five minutes is fine,” deadpanned the smaller as he turned to walk away and find a good hiding spot. When he heard Chanyeol chuckle and mutter something under his breath that sounded awfully like, “So cute. So tiny,” Baekhyun spun on his heels, launched a stuffed pig at his unsuspecting boyfriend, and shouted, “Got ‘em! And the rules clearly state you’re frozen for thirty seconds.” Then he took off in search of the perfect location to hide his beagle plushie.

“Not fair,” barked Chanyeol before he began counting to thirty while remaining obediently frozen mid-step with his arms full of plushies even though Baekhyun had already disappeared in the dim lighting. He was answered only with his boyfriend’s high-pitched giggle from somewhere in the darkness.

As soon as Chanyeol finished his countdown, he surged forward in the opposite direction that Baekhyun had went. Jogging through Children’s IKEA and casting his head from side to side, he searched for the perfect place to keep his puppy toy safe and protected. He spotted a child-size kitchen set with a cabinet feature that would fit his stuffed beagle seamlessly in the far corner, and made a beeline for it. However, in his rush, Chanyeol overlooked one of the low-lying table sets designed for little kids, and he ran right into it. Tripping and falling to the floor with a crash as he knocked over one of the tiny chairs, Chanyeol muttered, “Shit!” when he realized he had given away his position and could no longer use this hiding spot. His cursing was met with Baekhyun’s unapologetic cackle from somewhere far on the other side of the display room. Standing up, Chanyeol picked up the fallen chair and pushed it back under its matching tiny table before continuing on his quest.

Chanyeol glanced down at his watch and realized that he was left with only two minutes to find a place. Moving a decent distance away from the location of his clumsy accident, he found a tall, gray wardrobe. Opening it, he noticed a column of shelves extending to the very top. Grinning creepily to himself, he whispered, “Perfect,” before placing it on the uppermost shelf and thereby far out of his short boyfriend’s reach. He quietly and delicately shut the wardrobe doors so as not to make any noise, and began his slow, and this time careful, journey back to the neutral territory where the plushie-ammo-Poké balls were waiting.

When Chanyeol reached the area surrounding the display, the eerie quiet left him wide-eyed and on edge. He crouched down and hid behind a desk, stuffed panda in hand and ready to attack at the first sign of a wild Baekachu appearing. After a few minutes of waiting and listening for any sounds that could give away his sneaky boyfriend’s potential location, Chanyeol grew impatient and rose up from his position to glance over the desk. As soon as Chanyeol’s head breached the desk and he lost his cover, Baekhyun popped out from behind a nearby armchair, let out a warrior like wail, and forcefully launched a polar bear right at his face. Chanyeol recoiled in time and took the opportunity to throw his panda ammo in retaliation before ducking back behind the desk. Baekhyun surged towards Chanyeol’s location immediately after his attack, but he was forced to dive for cover behind a train set table, so the panda narrowly missed its mark.

“Nice try, Park!” came Baekhyun’s sneering insult.

“Pretty sure you missed first, Byun,” Chanyeol snapped back.

“Semantics,” grunted the smaller in return.

Chanyeol kneeled on all fours and listened to what sounded like a strange dragging noise coupled with Baekhyun’s heaving breathing. Clutching the stuffed cactus to his chest, he asked in a small voice that sounded very much like a frightened whine, “What are you doing?” He listened as the dragging sound stopped, yet his boyfriend did not respond. “Baek?” he asked again while leaning to peak around the corner of the desk.

As soon as he peered around the desk and fully exposed his head, Chanyeol was greeted with the sight of Baekhyun’s jean-clad kneecaps as the smaller man towered over his own crouched body. “Yes, Yeol?” answered the smaller man from his vantage point before he pelted Chanyeol with two polar bears, a toothbrush, and a pig. “Four plushies. That’s two minutes, fucker!” shouted the smaller before he took off in pursuit of Chanyeol’s hidden puppy.

Stuck in a very unfortunate position as his boyfriend quickly gained the advantage in their strange game, Chanyeol whined, “No fair, Baek! How did you even get over here?”

He heard Baekhyun’s taunting voice answering, “Army crawl, bitch!” in between the sound of cabinet doors being opened and drawers being pulled out. “I told you your ass was mine,” shouted the smaller from across the display room. Chanyeol simply groaned in response and continued to count the passing seconds. “Aha!” he heard in the distance when he was left with just ten seconds in his penalty. “Fuck!” shouted Baekhyun moments after that. Chanyeol smirked when he realized Baekhyun must have discovered his inability to easily reach the precious puppy plushie right as the two minutes ended. He jumped to his feet and chased after the smaller man.

By the time he reached the tall, gray wardrobe that had served as the hiding place for his stuffed beagle, Chanyeol was met with the image of his cheeky boyfriend sitting atop the open wardrobe with one leg crossed over the other as he gently pet the puppy toy that was resting upon his lap. “Hello, Park,” greeted the smaller man from his perch, smugness emanating from both his expression and his speech.

Pouting, Chanyeol looked up at the smaller and asked, “How did you reach it?”

Smirking with even more arrogance than before, Baekhyun answered bluntly, “I may be shorter than you, but you forget that I’m a genius. Don’t underestimate me, Park.”

Frowning even more, the taller man said, “I still don’t get it,” as he looked to the left and right of the wardrobe for something that could have acted as a step-up for his tiny boyfriend. “Did you jump?”

Rolling his eyes at Chanyeol’s lack of observance, Baekhyun pelted him with the toy puppy and mumbled, “Idiot,” before turning over and dropping his legs down to demonstrate how he used the shelves inside the wardrobe as a makeshift ladder.

Chanyeol caught the plushie and his eyes widened in realization. “Oh,” he said, drawing out the syllable in surprise. Pursing his lips together in a small smile, he shook his finger pointedly and squinted his eyes, “You really are a genius, Baekhyunie,” as the smaller man hopped to the ground.

“I know,” he agreed quickly. Baekhyun snatched the puppy toy from Chanyeol’s arms and began to walk back toward the other end of the display room. “Loser cleans up,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll be at my home base. Come find me when you’re done.”

Chanyeol continued to smile the same small grin as he shook his head and watched his boyfriend walk away through isles of open and upended children’s furniture. He turned to shut the wardrobe doors and stooped to collect Baekhyun’s unused and quickly discarded ammunition—two pigs and one toothbrush—before following the same path the smaller man had taken. However, unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol stopped along the way to close all the drawers in the multicolored tiny dressers, replace all the throw pillows and cushions that had been hastily tossed aside, and upright any and all tiny stools that may have been capsized during the Battle of Children’s IKEA. That’s what the rules required anyway.

About thirty minutes and approximately fifteen or so haphazardly tossed about plushies later, Chanyeol had finally finished cleaning up the aftermath of their battle when he began yet another search for Baekhyun. Adventuring into the bunk bed displays on the opposite side of the display room, he hummed to himself and imagined how fun it would be to have a bunk bed set in their apartment as he walked past the rows of makeshift bedrooms. Baekhyun wasn’t lying when he said they were good at sex, but Chanyeol thought their aptitude for the skill proved they would be able to creatively handle the challenge. Plus, Baekhyun wasn’t a gentle sleeper, so Chanyeol thought even though the top bunk could prove dangerous, getting a bunk bed with a railing might help protect him from falling off every time the smaller man started rolling and kicking at night.

In the midst of these thoughts, he spotted what he deemed the perfect bed. Although in the middle of Children’s IKEA, it was obviously designed for older kids or teenagers. While the top bunk appeared to be your traditional twin sized bed, complete with a guardrail, the bottom was a generously sized double bed fully equipped to handle two sleepers. Grinning excitedly, Chanyeol directed his steps to the dream bed and flopped down on the bottom bunk, falling back with his head against the display pillow and allowing images of sleepovers with Jongin and Kyungsoo to dance through his head. He and Baekhyun could easily take the tiny top bunk if their friends wanted to stay the night. They both loved cuddles.

As Chanyeol imagined these scenarios while lying back and staring at the underside of the top bunk, his stuffed beagle from before suddenly landed in his lap with a tiny, “Plop.” Propping himself up with his elbows, Chanyeol looked up again, but this time to see a small face behind a brunette mop of hair hanging upside down and peering at him from above.

“Hi, Yeol,” smiled upside-down Baekhyun.

“Baek!” grinned Chanyeol in response.

“You found me,” stated the smaller man.

Chanyeol chuckled as he sat all the way up and craned his neck to peck his boyfriend’s cheek. “I did,” he answered proudly.

“Excellent work,” smiled Baekhyun before snapping back into an upright position and wiggling forward so his legs were hanging over the guardrail.

The taller man stood up to retrieve the puppy plushie that hard previously rolled off his lap and across the floor. Glancing up, he warned, “Be careful, Baek,” when he noticed his boyfriend’s position.

Instead of heeding the warning, Baekhyun laughed wildly and leapt from his perch on the top bunk to cling onto his giant boyfriend’s back before the taller man could reach the stuffed toy. The motion knocked Chanyeol back against the bed, and the two fell into an awkward seated position with Baekhyun straddling the taller from behind.

With his arms wrapped around Chanyeol’s neck and his fingers splayed across his upper chest, Baekhyun craned his head forward and around to kiss a spot directly below the taller man’s ear. Giggling into the sensitive spot, he wrapped his legs tightly around his boyfriend’s torso and squeezed Chanyeol’s body with his knees. “Get up!” he commanded between kisses.

When Chanyeol managed to pull himself into a standing position while supporting the smaller man’s weight, he reached back to tuck his hands under Baekhyun’s thighs and hike him higher onto his back. Turning his head all the way to the side, he held eye contact with the snickering man before Baekhyun leaned in to kiss him lightly on the mouth. When Baekhyun pulled back from the peck, there was the dust of a blush across his slightly chubby cheeks and the familiar glint of mischief in his sparkling eyes. Steeling himself, Chanyeol grinned back at his perfect boyfriend. “Where to now, Baekachu?” he asked.

Extending one arm straight out in a point while using the other to clasp tighter around Chanyeol’s broad chest, Baekhyun shouted, “To the adult bedrooms!” before reaching back to awkwardly smack at his boyfriend’s flat ass and adding, “Giddy up!”

Readily falling into Baekhyun’s weird idea of role-play, Chanyeol neighed like a horse and pawed at the ground with one foot. Tucking his head down and gripping his boyfriend’s legs even tighter, he launched into a strange interpretation of a gallop. With Baekhyun whooping and shouting encouragements the whole way, Horse-Chanyeol dashed through the rest of Children’s IKEA and Bedroom Storage before arriving in the large expanse full of dozens of perfectly made beds. Neighing again and bucking like an agitated steed once or twice for good measure, Chanyeol finally stilled and asked, “What now, Baek?”

In typical Baekhyun fashion, as if he hadn’t been acting like a giddy child playing cowboy just one moment before, his boyfriend immediately switched into seductive mode. Leaning forward to suck at the sensitive spot he had previously kissed beneath Chanyeol’s ear, Baekhyun whispered, “To a bed, Chanyeolah,” punctuating his statement by nipping at the ear lobe and massaging his hands across the muscles of his boyfriend’s sculpted chest.

“Which one?” gasped Chanyeol as his mouth dropped open at the pleasure coursing through his body because of Baekhyun’s ministrations to his neck and ear.

Lightly licking a stripe across the spot he had just been abusing, Baekhyun grinded his hips against Chanyeol’s back and answered, “The black one that Kyungsoo liked.” Smirking before nuzzling his face into his boyfriend’s neck, he added, “We need to make sure the quality of the sheets is up to standard.”

Breathing deeply due to arousal as he rushed toward the dark bed in the center of the showcase, Chanyeol agreed, “Of course we do. What kind of hyungs would we be if we let them buy something terrible?”

“Exactly,” laughed Baekhyun as they approached the bed.

“We’re just taking care of them,” said Chanyeol as he dumped the smaller man on the bed and proceeded to hover over him, caging Baekhyun in with his elbows and knees.

Tugging down on Chanyeol’s collar, the brunette lifted his face up so their mouths could meet in a sensual kiss. “It’s our duty,” he said as he pulled back from the kiss and his fingers moved to card through Chanyeol’s dark hair. “It would be irresponsible if we didn’t perform.”

Quirking his eyebrows in a temporary moment of self-doubt, the taller man stopped peppering kisses all over Baekhyun’s face and pouted, “Don’t joke about that! It was one time, and I had a lot to drink that night!”

Laughing at his boyfriend’s misery, Baekhyun cupped Chanyeol’s face in his hands and tenderly ran his slender thumbs across the taller man’s plush lips. “I promise, I didn’t mean to tease you just now. I thought we were doing the ‘Chanyeol and Baekhyun are the Most Thoughtful Hyungs’ bit,” he said.

“We were,” said Chanyeol with a tentative whine in his voice.

“Well I’m sorry for fucking it up,” replied Baekhyun. Flashing another one of his billion watt smiles he started the bit back up, “And we are the best hyungs, don’t you think? Who else would take the time out of their Saturday evening to accompany poor little babies—“

Chanyeol interrupted to ask, “You do know they’re not really babies, right Baek?”

Immediately, his boyfriend pressed an index finger to his lips, said, “Shh!” and continued his rant without missing a beat, “to a furniture maze and then go the extra mile to stay the night and make sure the bedding they picked out is really up to par? We’re too kind to them, Channie. They’re going to be spoiled.”

Conceding preemptive defeat rather than arguing the facts that Kyungsoo and Jongin were actually adult men, nor were he and Baekhyun voluntarily staying the night in IKEA, Chanyeol sighed in agreement and brushed the smaller man’s bangs out of his eyes. “What will we do with them? They can’t even pick out their own sheets?”

Nodding his head and puffing his cheeks in concern, Baekhyun said, “I know. They’re growing so fast. We’re going to have to cut them loose soon. Tonight might be the last night we help them like this.”

Looking aghast with his eyes wide in shock, Chanyeol swallowed, “Like, no more sex on their stuff?”

Face scrunching up in confusion over the miscommunication, Baekhyun scoffed. “God, no! Their furniture is too comfy to pass up. We’re still doing it every time we take care of their dogs. We’re just going to have to work on teaching them to trust their own judgment more often.”

Relieved, Chanyeol said, “Oh, okay good!”

“But,” said Baekhyun as he raised a finger in the air between their faces to articulate his point, “We do have to follow through with this last review.”

“Naturally,” agreed Chanyeol while he attempted to bite at the finger floating in front of him.

“We’re great at sex,” Baekhyun continued.

“That’s for damn sure,” said Chanyeol as he began to move his own fingers teasingly up and down the sides of Baekhyun’s body.

Moving his fingers to their former position at the back his boyfriend’s head, Baekhyun added, “And that makes us experts on quality sheets.”

“Right,” said the taller man before ducking down to suck at the pulse point on his neck right beneath Baekhyun’s jaw.

“So for step one of this analysis, we need to get naked, so we can feel the sheets better,” said Baekhyun as he closed his eyes and gripped at the short strands of hair on the back of Chanyeol’s head.

“For science?” Chanyeol muttered the question into the side of his boyfriend’s neck.

Rutting his hips up to make contact with the taller’s, Baekhyun nodded and smiled proudly before bringing Chanyeol’s face back to his for another kiss. “Exactly, Channie. For science.”

“Well then there’s no point arguing is there?” asked Chanyeol in mock begrudging. The taller hastily leaned back and pulled off his sweatshirt while Baekhyun unzipped and shed his own hoodie, making sure to toss it gently on the floor so as to protect the cookies that were still stored in the zip-lock bag in the front pocket. Reaching forward to take off the smaller man’s t-shirt as well, Chanyeol smirked and said, “I think I’m going to like this experiment.”

Giggling in response, Baekhyun’s eyes crinkled into crescents. “I’m pretty sure you will too.” Connecting their lips again once his shirt had been tossed to the end of the bed, Baekhyun reached between their warm bodies to palm at Chanyeol’s hardening bulge. “Yep. You like it,” he said teasingly between kisses.

“Hell yeah, I do,” panted the taller man as his hands roamed from Baekhyun’s waist around to grip at his shapely ass. “I mean, how could I not? You’re fucking perfect, Baek,” he added when he paused for a second to look into the smaller man’s eyes.

Smiling wide, Baekhyun snapped open the button on Chanyeol’s jeans and wriggled his hand inside to get a grip on his boyfriend through his boxer briefs. With a taunt in his voice as he massaged Chanyeol, he responded, “And I think Yoda Yeollie here is pretty perfect, too.” The taller man groaned at the pleasure and threw his head back when his boyfriend finally slipped a hand inside his briefs and stroked gently. “He’s so hard already. And I thought for sure Yoda Yeollie would be shy about playing with me in a public place.”

“Fuck, Baek,” rasped Chanyeol. “Stop calling my dick, ‘Yoda.’”

Using the hand that wasn’t busy being stuffed down Chanyeol’s pants, Baekhyun pushed his boyfriend up and into a sitting position and pulled off the taller’s black wife beater that so perfectly displayed his biceps. Taking a moment to run his fingers across the flexed muscles in admiration before getting on his knees to straddle the other’s lanky thighs, Baekhyun bent down to place a sweet kiss on the tip of Chanyeol’s nose. “No,” he said when he drew back. Coupling his next words with a firmer grip on his boyfriend’s member, he added, “I will call your dick whatever I want because Yoda Yeollie is as much mine as he is yours.” Chanyeol opened his mouth to protest Baekhyun’s logic when the other lifted his eyebrows, removed his hand from his pants, and placed a shushing finger on his boyfriend’s plump lips. “And if you disagree with that, I won’t play with him anymore.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened at the threat as his hips lurched in response to the absence of Baekhyun’s sinful hand. “What?” he stuttered.

“Okay, you’re right,” said the smaller man with a nod of agreement. “I’d still play with him,” he sighed as he looked down at the red and leaking tip peeking through the waistband. “I really love him,” he added fondly. Chanyeol’s breath hitched as Baekhyun kissed his jaw line before he bent forward and shuffled back. After traveling down his boyfriend’s exposed torso with light kisses, Baekhyun gently pushed Chanyeol onto his back while pulling the taller’s pants off.

Lifting his hips in assistance, Chanyeol let his head fall back into the sea of pillows—like honestly, whey were there so many?—as he watched and felt his boyfriend use one hand to slowly drag black briefs down his long, slender legs and resume stroking the now fully exposed and entirely hard Yoda Yeollie. “Fuck, you’re so good,” moaned Chanyeol.

“I know, Yeol,” said Baekhyun with a grin as he unbuttoned his own skinny jeans and paused to peel them off. Left in nothing but his own boxer briefs with the Supreme logo printed across the waistband, Baekhyun ducked down and raised his perky ass in the air to get face to face with his boyfriend’s erect cock. Breathing warmly against the ultra sensitive flesh, Baekhyun repeated, “I know,” in the sultriest tone as he watched Yoda Yeollie twitch. Smirking, Baekhyun looked up through his lashes as Chanyeol looked back at him.

“Fuck,” was the only thing Chanyeol could muster in response to the erotic view. After Baekhyun’s next warm exhale, Chanyeol lost the last shred of sanity he had remaining, and his eyes snapped shut when his all-too-sexy boyfriend finally paid his aching cock the attention it demanded. Holding onto the base, Baekhyun flattened his tongue to lick a long, slow stripe from the bottom all the way to the leaking head. Swirling his skilled tongue around the top to spread the natural lubricant around, he began to pump the shaft up and down in rhythm, making sure to watch Chanyeol’s face for each of his reactions. Baekhyun watched Chanyeol’s sculpted abdominal muscles clench in pleasure and his breathing grow more and more labored when he went down again—this time slickening and then opening his slim little lips into a wide “O” shape and taking Yoda Yeollie into his mouth. Baekhyun artfully slid his mouth up and down in rhythm while the taller man reached down to card his fingers gently through the soft brunette hair attached to the head of the man who was bringing him unparalleled gratification in the middle of a showroom in a Swedish furniture store. “Fuck, Baek,” he groaned at the sheer skill and sexiness of his perfect boyfriend. “I’m about to come,” he said as his body jerked forward and he pulled himself up to lean on his elbows. Nodding his head slightly and pulling a hand out of his own briefs to give Chanyeol a thumbs-up as a go ahead, Baekhyun sucked even harder, hollowing his cheeks as he felt his boyfriend tense inside his mouth. Moments later, Chanyeol came with a few grunts and a shudder that racked his whole body, and Baekhyun continued to suck him lightly through his orgasm.

When he felt Chanyeol’s body relax and his cock deflate, Baekhyun pulled off and swallowed. Crinkling his nose in distaste, Baekhyun smacked his lips. “Why’d you swallow, Baek?” asked a concerned Chanyeol. Furrowing his brow in confusion, he added the question, “I thought you didn’t like to do that?”

Sticking his tongue out and frowning, Baekhyun sat up and answered, “I don’t. No offense to Yoda Yeollie, but you don’t taste good.”

“Aw, Baek, I’m sorry,” said Chanyeol tenderly. Cupping the smaller man’s face, he brushed his thumb across his cheekbone and leaned in for a gentle kiss. “You really didn’t have to. I tried to warn you and everything.”

Straddling the taller again, Baekhyun gripped onto Chanyeol’s shoulders and kissed him back. “Relax, Yeol. It’s fine. I know you wouldn’t make me, but if you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of in the middle of IKEA, so if I didn’t swallow, our only other option would be for you to jizz all over the bed, and I don’t think all the Swedish people who work here would be very happy about that.”

“Ahhh!” agreed Chanyeol in realization. Nodding his head in understanding, he used his fingers to push Baekhyun’s bangs off his forehead. “You’re smart,” he said.

“Yep,” said Baekhyun before he suddenly grinded his hips down and rubbed his own erection on Chanyeol’s thigh. Gesturing to the prominent bulge hiding behind his boxer briefs, he added, “But now it’s Iron Man’s turn. He wants you to suck me off, too. Get to it, Yeol.”

Rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s absurd inclination to name their dicks after science fiction characters, Chanyeol left a pattern of kisses down the side of Baekhyun’s lean neck. “You’re ridiculous,” he said as his hands slipped beneath the waistband to grope at the fleshy mounds on his boyfriend’s backside.

“Ridiculously attractive, yes,” agreed Baekhyun with a laugh as he allowed Chanyeol to remove his briefs and roll them over.

“Well, I can’t deny that,” said Chanyeol as he looked down at his perfect boyfriend spread bare for only him, pale skin dusted pink with arousal and fluffy honey-brown hair spanned out against the pillows contrasting wildly with the black sheets beneath them. “You’re absolutely beautiful, Baek.”

Reaching up to hold his boyfriend’s face, Baekhyun looked in his eyes, smiled sweetly, and said, “Thank you, Yeol. You’re sweet, and I love you, but get me off already. If you don’t hurry up, Iron Man is going to lose battery and power down.” Then he patted the taller man’s cheek, pursed his lips, and used both hands to gesture to the cock standing at full attention between his legs.

Laughing and shaking his head, Chanyeol leaned down to kiss Baekhyun once more before making his way down the smaller man’s body. Licking along the lightly defined abs and dipping his tongue into Baekhyun’s navel, Chanyeol breathed out, “I love you too, Baekhyun.” Kissing each prominent hipbone in turn, the taller man’s mouth eventually found its way to Baekhyun’s “Iron Man.” Opening wide, Chanyeol wasted no time in engulfing almost all of Baekhyun’s member and sucking hard. His actions elicited the kind of gasps and moans from the brunette man that left Chanyeol in danger of getting hard again. Willing his dick to not respond to Baekhyun’s sexy sounds, the taller man tried to focus on getting his boyfriend off. However, when he glanced up and noticed the foreign language printed on the tag on the side of one of the pillows framing his boyfriend’s angelic sex face, he was temporarily distracted by something Baekhyun had said moments earlier. Pulling off with a resounding “pop,” Chanyeol looked at his boyfriend and asked, “Wait. Baek, you do know that not all IKEA employees are actually Swedish, right?”

Mouth dropping open at his boyfriend’s audacity, Baekhyun gave the taller man a pointed glare and practically hissed, “Park Chanyeol. Yes. I know that. I was making a joke. Now suck me off, goddammit.”

Eyes widening in apology, Chanyeol muttered, “Sorry,” before picking up where he left off.

  


After Chanyeol had swallowed the last bit of Baekhyun’s release, the taller gently pulled off of Baekhyun’s softening cock and afforded it a tender pat as he let it rest against its owner’s meaty thighs. Kissing the tip once more for good measure and nuzzling his nose against Baekhyun’s hipbone while the smaller man regained control of his rapid breathing, Chanyeol looked up and said, “So what’s the verdict?”

Baekhyun reached down and carded his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair as the taller man rested his chin on Baekhyun’s stomach. “Hmm?” hummed Baekhyun in question.

“Thoughts on the sheets? Are they up to standard?” smirked Chanyeol from his perch on his boyfriend’s abdominals.

Chuckling and smiling sweetly as he continued to play with Chanyeol’s hair, Baekhyun answered, “I think I’m going to have to give them passing marks.”

“I’m going to have to agree with your professional assessment, Mr. Byun,” said Chanyeol before he quickly kissed a spot directly above Baekhyun’s naval and rolled off the smaller man and onto his side. “Now let’s sleep,” he added, wrapping his arm around the smaller’s waist and scooting their bodies closer.

Baekhyun ran his fingers lightly up and down across the arm around his waist and turned in the hold onto his own side to face his boyfriend. Reaching up and cupping Chanyeol’s face, he stretched forward for a kiss. “Gross,” he said, crinkling his nose in distaste. “You taste like cum, too.”

“Sorry,” came Chanyeol’s sheepish reply before he leaned back down to peck his boyfriend’s lips again. “But I don’t think you really taste all that bad. You’re kind of a little bit sweet,” he added as he reached behind Baekhyun to tauntingly pinch his ass.

Flattening his palm against Chanyeol’s face and denying him another kiss, Baekhyun answered, “Ew. You’re just blinded by how much you love me.”

Laughing softly and nipping at the hand in front of him, Chanyeol agreed, “You’re probably right.”

The two settled into each other’s holds after Chanyeol pulled the duvet up and over their bodies. Exhausted from their ludicrous antics running around the store and completely sated from their sheet testing experiment, they found themselves quickly drifting into rest. Lulled to the brink of sleep by Baekhyun’s gentle breathing and almost imperceptible puppy-like whines that signaled his relaxation, Chanyeol was suddenly brought back to full consciousness when the whines stopped and the smaller sat up in his arms. “Yeol!” said the smaller abruptly.

“Huh?” answered Chanyeol, eyes still closed and mouth open and drooling onto the pillow.

“Hand me my shirt. I’m cold,” demanded Baekhyun.

“Ughhh,” groaned Chanyeol as he rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. “Can’t you get it yourself? I was almost asleep.”

“No. You threw it on your side of the bed,” replied the smaller. “And I don’t think we should sleep naked,” he added.

Confused, Chanyeol asked, “What? Why? We like always sleep naked.”

“Think, Channie,” said Baekhyun with a pointed look. When he received only a blank stare in return, Baekhyun gestured to their surroundings and explained in a slightly condescending tone, “We’re in the middle of IKEA, buddy.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol drew the word out in realization as he nodded his head and looked around the room. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun reached out his hands and said, “Shirt?”

“Right,” said Chanyeol as he rolled over and leaned off the edge of the bed to reach the random articles of clothing discarded haphazardly on the floor. Tossing Baekhyun’s briefs onto the bed behind him first, he stretched even further to grab his own underwear and the nearest shirt before awkwardly struggling to roll back onto the bed. Throwing the shirt at Baekhyun’s face while the smaller man pulled his briefs up, Chanyeol copied his boyfriend’s motions and put his own underwear back on.

Brunette hair sticking up wildly from pulling the t-shirt over his head and threading his arms through the appropriate holes, Baekhyun looked down and noticed, “This is your shirt.”

“Yeah, well yours was too far. I couldn’t reach it without getting out of bed, so I just grabbed the closest one. And I don’t care where we are. I can’t wear a shirt when I sleep. I’ll get too hot,” pouted Chanyeol as he reached forward and tried to smooth down Baekhyun’s unruly hair.

Playfully slapping the hands away from his head, Baekhyun grabbed onto Chanyeol’s wrists, raised his eyebrows, and added, “It’s your call, but if you get arrested for public nudity, I’m not bailing you out.”

Leaning forward and forcing them both back into a lying position, Chanyeol cuddled into Baekhyun’s side and rested his head on the smaller man’s firm chest. “I don’t believe you,” he said. “You’d totally bail me out.”

“Pfft,” said the smaller as he began to gently play with Chanyeol’s hair again. “No, I wouldn’t,” he added in a relatively unconvincing tone.

“Yes, you would,” assured the taller confidently. Smirking against Baekhyun’s chest, he continued, “At the very least, you’d miss Yoda Yeollie way too much to let me rot in jail.”

Chuckling at his boyfriend’s very logical and well-reasoned argument, Baekhyun craned his neck forward, kissed the top of Chanyeol’s head, and conceded. “Okay. Yeah, I’d totally bail you out.”

  


The next morning, Baekhyun woke up first to the feeling of a finger repeatedly poking his shoulder. Groaning as he wriggled in place and swatted at the offending hand, Baekhyun slowly blinked open his eyes. Creasing his eyebrows, he pulled back, glared at the tall man with perfectly parted blonde hair who was dressed in an IKEA employee uniform, and said, “Who the fuck are you?”

The tall man stepped back and said, “I could ask you the same question.”

“I’m Baekhyun,” responded the shorter man.

“Sehun,” replied the blonde. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I was sleeping,” answered Baekhyun with a look of exasperation.

“Right,” said Sehun as he pursed his lips and raised one eyebrow in question.

After blinking up at the other man for a few seconds, Baekhyun added, “Dude, no homo, but you have incredible eyebrows.”

Eyes narrowing marginally, Sehun replied, “Thank you. I do them myself.”

“Well kudos to you, Sehun, is it? You’ve got mad skills, bro,” the smaller added lazily while yawning and cracking his neck.

Inclining his head once in gratitude, Sehun said, “I’m going to have to take you to my manager.”

Slightly pouting his lip, Baekhyun narrowed his eyes and nodded his head in agreement. “I guess that makes sense,” he said, before reaching over to prod at the lump in the covers in the bed next to him. “Yeol, wake up! We have to go see Sehun’s manager.”

After a few seconds of unintelligible grumbling coupled with gentle stirring, the lump in the covers was pulled back to reveal a groggy-eyed and shirtless Chanyeol. “Who the fuck is Sehun?” he asked in his first-thing-in-the-morning-deep-and-gravelly voice.

“He is,” said Baekhyun as he pointed to the blonde man whose face had barely expressed surprise at the grand reveal of a second person in the bed. Turning to face the standing man again, Baekhyun jerked his thumb in the direction of his partially awake boyfriend and introduced him. “This is my boyfriend, Chanyeol.”

“Your boyfriend?’ asked Sehun with one perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised.

“Yeah,” replied Baekhyun as Chanyeol rubbed his yes and nodded his head affirmatively.

“That’s cool,” shrugged Sehun, “But I thought you said ‘no homo.’”

“Oh,” said Baekhyun. “Well, I’m definitely gay, but I meant your eyebrows aren’t gay or anything.”

“Right,” said Sehun with the same ever-constant expression. After a few seconds of brief but awkward silence characterized by the three men simply blinking and staring at each other, he added, “So are you ready to go see my manager?”

“Yeah, okay,” agreed Baekhyun. “Come on, Yeol.”

The sleepiest of the three opened his mouth in a roaring yawn and then asked, “Should I put on a shirt?”

“That’s probably a good idea,” answered Sehun. When Chanyeol threw the covers off of their lower bodies clothed in only boxer briefs, Sehun added, “Pants too,” as he turned around to lead them toward the managerial offices.

The trio stood in front of the messiest and most disorganized desk Chanyeol and Baekhyun had ever encountered as Sehun’s manager, Junmyeon, rubbed his temples in frustration. Sehun stared blankly at his boss, Chanyeol massaged the back of his neck guiltily while glancing around the room, and Baekhyun shuffled from side to side and bounced up and down on his heels. After a few moments more of trying to collect his thoughts and overcome his disbelief, Junmyeon spoke up, pausing for dramatic effect and using his hands to annunciate each ludicrous point. “So let me get this straight. You two got locked in the showroom because you were playing hide-and-seek, but when you realized you were locked in, you didn’t bother to call anyone, so instead you played games until you decided it would be a good idea to have,” pausing for a second to form his next thought, Junmyeon finished, “intercourse in the display room where you eventually fell asleep?”

“Hmmm,” hummed Baekhyun as he continued to rock back and forth. Lifting his pointer finger and squinting to stress his argument, he added, “That’s mostly correct. We didn’t really have sex. We just sucked each other off because we didn’t want to mess anything up.” He finished his statement with an innocent grin.

Chanyeol waved both hands back and forth in front of himself in ready agreement. “Yeah, man. We would never go all the way in your store or anything like that. We wouldn’t want to nut on your stuff or anything.”

Blanching at the sheer absurdity of how utterly shameless these two were, Junmyeon gathered his thoughts once more before rubbing his temples again and saying, “Okay. Alright then.” Taking a few steady breaths, he continued, “Alright. Okay. So. I don’t think you two had any malicious intent, and I don’t want to go through the process of calling the cops because that would mean extra work for me, and I obviously have a lot to do as far as getting my night crew to follow procedure if they managed enough oversight to lock up with two people still inside the showroom, so I won’t press charges, but only if you two agree to purchase the bedding from the display that you slept on because we’re going to have to get that replaced.”

Baekhyun broke out in a brilliant smile to match Chanyeol’s toothy grin as he extended his hand to shake Junmyeon’s, “Hell yeah! Those sheets were great! You’ve got a deal!”

Hesitantly, Junmyeon reached out to reciprocate the gesture as he shook his head in an effort to clear it. After dropping Baekhyun’s hand, he found himself suddenly enveloped in a gangly embrace as Chanyeol hugged him tightly and “Whooped!” in his ear. “Dude, you’re like the coolest manager ever!” he shouted.

Stuttering as he stood limp in the taller man’s embrace, Junmyeon blushed and responded with uncertainty, “Thank you, I guess?”

“No, thank you!” exclaimed Chanyeol. “You really are the man!”

Smirking and framing his chin with his thumb and index finger, Baekhyun lifted his eyebrow and quipped, “One could say you’re the man-ager.” Smiling wide at his own joke, he bit his lower lip and folded his arms across his chest in pride while nodding his head in amusement.

“Oh, dear god,” muttered Sehun as he rolled his eyes while Chanyeol’s grin grew so wide that a gap appeared between his rows of teeth as he giggled at his boyfriend’s pun.

Meanwhile, as he processed the play on words, Junmyeon’s face went from the confused expression he had been wearing since Sehun brought these two nutjobs into his office to a look of utter glee before he burst out laughing. Clapping his hands in mirth, he shrieked in laughter. “Oh my god! That was good! Classic! Excellent work! You, sir, are punny!” he said, wiggling his eyebrows and placing extra emphasis on the last word. Sehun sighed at the sheer stupidity of them all.

Shrugging his shoulders and unfolding his arms, Baekhyun said, “If it’s right there in front of you, you’ve got to take it.”

“Carpe diem!” provided Chanyeol with an accompanying fist pump.

“Exactly!” agreed Junmyeon, eyes widened in excitement. Gesturing toward his young employee, he added, “That’s what I’m always telling Sehun here when he gets mad at me for making puns.”

Without regard to the fact that he just met the IKEA employee minutes ago, Baekhyun shook his head in disappointment and reached up to wrap an arm around Sehun’s shoulders. “Kids these days,” he said, as the blonde man stared ahead at his boss with an expression of utter boredom.

“They don’t know a good joke when it smacks them across the face,” added the manager despondently. Behind Sehun and Baekhyun, Chanyeol made the sign of the cross and uttered a prayer for the youngest man’s lacking sense of humor.

Before the conversation could continue to digress, Sehun shut his eyes momentarily in an attempt to find his inner zen, steeled himself, and said, “Can I go now? I need to finish my walk through.”

“Not yet, Sehun. I want you to ring these men up for their, umm, purchases, and then please escort them out of the store,” he replied.

Sehun glared between the two men and his boss as Junmyeon moved back behind his desk and began sifting through the disorganized stacks of papers. “Are you looking for the schedule?” he asked.

Glancing up and adjusting his glasses, the manager blinked and responded, “Actually, yes. I’m trying to see who was on walk through duty last night.”

“I thought so,” said Sehun. Heading to the door while motioning for Chanyeol and Baekhyun to follow him, he turned around in the hallway before pulling the door shut and added, “It was Jongdae hyung and Minseok hyung. They clocked out early and went to a karaoke room. I saw it in on Jongdae hyung’s Snapchat story.”

Mouth agape, Baekhyun cried, “You’re a snitch!” while Chanyeol gasped.

Barely acknowledging their disapproval, the blonde man marched onward in the direction of the tainted bedding. Unapologetically, Sehun stopped at the end of the hallway and responded, “A few days ago, I put a clearly labeled sandwich in the break room refrigerator. I was saving it for my break, and I hadn’t eaten all day. We had a big rush, so I had to wait for my break to start. All I could think about was my sandwich. When the rush finally slowed down, I headed to the break room to get it. It was really only eleven minutes later than my usual break time, but when I opened the fridge, my sandwich was already gone. When I asked around, my favorite coworker Kwangsoo told me that Jongdae hyung and Minseok hyung thought it would be a funny joke to split it.”

“I think I met them yesterday. I can’t believe they’d do that. They seemed so fun!” said Chanyeol in disbelief. Adding, “What kind of sandwich was it?” he blinked kindly at the employee with a look of absolute sympathy in his large eyes.

“An Italian B.M.T. from Subway,” answered Sehun. Baekhyun shook his head in disbelief at the audacity.

Gasping and covering his mouth in shock, Chanyeol questioned again, “A Big Meaty Tasty?”

“Exactly,” said Sehun.

“Well then they got what they deserved,” said Baekhyun as he gently patted the blonde man’s shoulder.

“That they did,” said Sehun before stripping the display sheets off the bed and sloppily shoving them into a vinyl bag.

Chanyeol set down the large blue bags stuffed with the display bedding to wave at Jongin and Kyungsoo as they approached him in the parking garage. “Hi guys!” he greeted with a grin.

“Hi, hyung,” smiled Jongin in return. “I heard you and Baekhyun hyung had yourselves an interesting night.”

“Don’t encourage them, Jongin. They’re lucky we aren’t bailing them out of jail right now,” sighed Kyungsoo. “Where’s the idiot?” he directed to Chanyeol.

“Over there,” said Chanyeol as he gestured to the elevators on the other side of the parking garage where Baekhyun was obviously lecturing the tall, blonde, and entirely disinterested IKEA employee about something. “He’s teaching Sehun about respecting his elders and being a good audience when people come up with really good puns.”

“Oh dear god,” huffed Kyungsoo with a tremendous roll of his large eyes. Raising his voice, he shouted, “Baekhyun! Get your stupid ass over here! I’m not waiting!”

“Coming!” shouted Baekhyun from afar. Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Chanyeol watched as the absurd little man gently patted Sehun on the cheek in an entirely unnecessary and totally condescending manner before shrieking and breaking into a Naruto run in their direction.

“He’s a dumbass,” said Kyungsoo with an incredulous expression.

“He’s funny,” added Jongin through his laughter.

“He’s perfect,” said Chanyeol with a look of complete fondness plastered all over his face.

Rolling his eyes in resignation, Kyungsoo stated, “You’re all dumbasses,” right before Naruto-Baekhyun tackled him into a hug.

“Kyungie!” he squealed. “Thank you for coming to get us!” said Baekhyun before planting a sloppy and unwelcome kiss on the side of the shortest man’s face.

“Ew,” said the wide-eyed male. “Get off me.”

After squeezing his friend tightly once more, Baekhyun released his captive and said, “We had so much fun last night! And we bought you guys a spare set of bedding for your new apartment!” Baekhyun pointed to the bags of obviously rumpled blankets, pillows, and sheets left at Chanyeol’s feet.

Scrunching his nose in distaste, Kyungsoo responded, “No, thank you! I don’t want anything that you and Chanyeol fucked on.”

Looking scandalized, Chanyeol reached for his boyfriend’s hand and said, “Now, now, Soo. When two people love each other, it’s not just fucking. Baek and I make love.”

“No one’s cum is on that anyway. We only blew each other.” Waving his free hand in a dismissive gesture, Baekhyun added, “Besides, we’ve done way worse on your couch.”

“I’m sorry. What?” asked a wide-eyed Kyungsoo as he stopped in his tracks.

Jongin rolled his eyes, picked up the bags, and shook his head as he tried to stop his tiny boyfriend from stuttering in shock while the idiotic couple walked forward through the IKEA parking garage with Chanyeol’s arm slung around his boyfriend’s shoulders, and Baekhyun’s arm wrapped around the taller man’s waist.

The pair walked on toward Kyungsoo’s car when Chanyeol suddenly stopped. His mouth dropped open in shock, and he turned to look down at the smaller man to say, “Baekhyunie! We forgot our puppy!”

Gasping in reciprocal surprise, Baekhyun’s jaw went slack as his own mouth turned down in an aghast frown. “Oh my god, you’re right!” he exclaimed.

“Should we go back?” asked Chanyeol as he glanced behind them worriedly, arm still wrapped tightly around the shorter man’s shoulders.

Baekhyun sucked the air through his gritted teeth with an indecisive curl of his upper as he looked back as well. “Hmmm, maybe not today,” he said when he noticed the look on Kyungsoo’s face. Eyes glinting with mischief once again, Baekhyun smirked up at Chanyeol and added, “Let’s just come back next weekend.”


End file.
